Socializing in Pakistan

There is no doubt that society has major role in behavior of everyone.  If you follow the main stream of socializing in the society, you can easily find people of common interests and can hang out with them. If you have different ambitions or social values then it takes more time to find people with common interests.

“A man is known by the company he keeps” best defines the Pakistani society’s thinking. If you are a really good person inside and have a bad reputation, people will keep distance from you and vice versa. The reason is that majority of us is not known by who we are. You family backgrounds, your parents’ occupation, your friends, the schools you attended and where you live are major criteria to define who you are.

I remember that my parents and my teachers were always concerned about my friends at school and in the neighborhood. Whenever you go to visit your friends and you knock the door. You are lucky if your friend opens the door. Otherwise I have gone through a lot of interviews by the parents of my friends. Like whose son are you? Where do you study? What you guys are going to do? When you will be back? After you pass this interview your friend gets the permission to meet you or go out with you. The most terrible part was when some one’s father opens the door. If we were more than two people visiting a friend then there was always a fight that the other one will knock the door and go through the interview. Those were the times when there were no mobile phones. Sometimes we used to fix a time to meet at a place to avoid such kind of interviews by parents. I had good reputation in school and the neighborhood so some of my friends used to tell their families that they are going out with me, even if they are not with me.

Since our childhood our parents train us to meet people. For example some guests are at the home and your mother is in the kitchen, so it is your responsibility to sit with the guests and talk to them and again give the similar interview. If you know the guests before and you are uncomfortable with them, you still have to sit with them. Some of my father’s friends used to take quizzes about mathematics, history, English language and other stuff. If your replies are good, your father is happy. Otherwise it was an embarrassment for him as well.  And the funny thing is, if you embarrass your father. He will complain to your teachers and then you have to study more both at home and school.

One of the keys competitors are the cousin in your age group. No matter in which part of Pakistan you live, after every academic year everyone used to call to ask your grades. In Pakistan weddings and religious celebrations are the times when all of your relatives gather somewhere. Parents are always talking about the education of the children and again everyone is taking interviews and quizzes. Your answers and cool behavior build or destroy the reputation of your parents and school.

Until you are at your own, you hardly meet any stranger. Most of my friends in childhood are either from school or the neighborhood. My parents know almost all of my friends and the parents of my friends know me as well. In most of the cases they are also friends.

Some of the Pakistani parents are really cool. They do not want to force their kids for anything. So you can see these kids playing all day long outside. Do whatever they want etc etc. But our society is very competitive due to limited resources. Most of the kids that are not in the competition end up their education after the school and without a university’s degree it is almost impossible to live a middle class life. I do not know if it is the right way of upbringing, but the social system is so weak that if parents are not helping then the children cannot progress.

During teenage things changed a lot. It used to seem like everyone is scared of you. There was so much energy. I was into motor bikes. Even I was not allowed to drive them. Craze for cricket was there and yeah like all teenagers, girls were always in discussions. And everyone was talking about each other’s crushes and stuff. All the older people was trying to advice you in those days about career planning, education and being a good person bla bla bla and you were never ready to listen to any of them. The story is getting long and I think school and college time feelings are kind of similar in both Pakistan and Scandinavia. The major difference is existence of alcohol in Scandinavian society. I have not experienced it in Scandinavia so I should better avoid commenting on it.

Weather has its own effects on socializing. In Pakistan the weather is mostly warm therefore most of the activities are outdoors. In the evening everyone goes out in open air. Therefore most of the times you know people living in your neighborhood. The summer is never celebrated in major parts of the country. However the rain is being celebrated. Everyone is happy when it is rainy and cloudy. We used to go to the beach or bunk our lectures during the rainy days. It does not rain often therefore it has a value. In Pakistan the only holiday was on Sunday. Therefore the Saturday night was always important. Normally I used to spend it with my friend on some Tea hotels and we just still and drink a lot tea. Make fun of each other, talk about sports and politics and sometimes spend the whole night at the beach.

Talking is the hobby of Pakistani people. If you are in Pakistan you can see that we have tremendous amount of tv channels. And most of the time there are talk shows. In the morning, morning talk shows. In the afternoon we have talk shows about sports and from evening to late night we have political talk shows. If you want to talk to a Pakistani for hours they will not mind, if you ask them to do something, everyone suddenly disappears.

House wife culture is still very popular is Pakistan. That is one of the reasons to make talking a hobby. Most of the house wives spend their free time in watching televisions. After watching a lot of tv shows and movies they discuss it with other women on the phone or by visiting houses in the neighborhood. In the evening when the men are at home they repeat all these stories. The men talk all day at the work and after coming home some of them do not want to talk, but they still have to listen. And some of them tell stories from their office work. So our office and house life is pretty much connected. Sometimes you can hear the opinion from your work colleagues from some family member through his family. That is the reason; in Pakistan army they say that your wife is one rank above yours. If you cannot talk to your boss about an issue, and your family members can influence some of the family member of your boss, your problem can be solved.

The adults are totally different in Pakistan, Middle East and Scandinavia. The climate, economy, culture and religion have a big impact on the society. The biggest difference is distance between men and women. After you are adult you keep distance from the ladies you used to hang out with before. As usual the parents decide with whom you can hang out and with whom you cannot. Majority of guys hang out with guys vice versa. The technology has changed many things like in old time people used to stare at each other and a few of them used to dare to write a letter to each other. And now a day people try to get the number or use social media to get connected. Things have changed quite a lot. But there is always this discussion that is it right or wrong.

Being a foreigner in Pakistan you can make friends through your institution. If you are successful in making one friend then the friend of friend is a friend. It is more than enough to have a common friend to make other person a friend. Even if you write to a facebook friend of mine that you are my friend, you do not need to do anything else. The other person will be very comfortable with you. Sometimes I used to visit another city and a family of my friend in that city treats me as a family member. So in childhood it is a little bit controlled but after you grow up your network has no limits. Pakistanis living abroad also do the same stuff. If they are in a city and they do not know anyone, they try to find a Pakistani through all of their contacts and the host has to treat you like your own family member. It saves a lot of money for staying in hotel.

One thing I forgot to mention. Our housings always have guest’s rooms in the apartment. So you are not expected to stay in a hotel when you visit any other city. If you do so, it is very offensive for your friends and relatives in that city. It is a serious offense. When a couple get married they always make a lot of stuff for guests as well, like extra pillows, kitchen utensils, blankets etc etc. If there is an event in the neighborhood then people share their guest’s rooms for the guests of the other people. So if there are fifty guests visiting me for a week and I have a small house, my neighbors will accommodate them for me.

I can write much more on this topic, but it is already very long. Please provide your feedback on this. Thanks for reading it as well. I will soon write about socializing in Scandinavia.